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Why A Growth Mindset Is Important For Love

I carry all of my experiences with me, and these experiences shape my life and my view on love. And sometimes my view on love can prevent me from experiencing it, fully.

I don’t claim to have the ultimate definition of love, or what’s right/wrong, or acceptable/unacceptable. I only know that at certain points in my life I’ve felt stuck, frustrated, and hurt, trying to understand it and even experience it.


I’ve always tried to learn the deeper meaning behind what I say and do, and the value and lesson in each experience. I never wanted to feel stuck and helpless. I never wanted to feel as though all of my beliefs, feelings, emotions, and live choices were dictated by the external/others.


I want to experience love in new ways; ways that are freeing and fulfilling. And the only way I can experience this freedom and fulfillment is by becoming dedicated to seeing the value and lesson in my experiences. I must intentionally seek out opportunities to grow, and free myself from old belief and behavior patterns.

So I ask:


How can I take a not so good experience and use it to my benefit?


How can I take every morsel of insight and use it to help me understand love…to understand life...or at least gain the wisdom and knowledge needed to be better and do better?


Being open to seeing the value isn’t easy. Being open to seeing something differently, especially when I’ve seen it a certain way my whole life, isn’t easy. But it’s necessary if I want to experience more freedom and fulfillment.

Learning to recognize where I have a Fixed Mindset has allowed me to transform my old ways of thinking, believing, and acting, into new ways of thinking, believing, and acting (Growth Mindset).

Here’s my quick definition of the Fixed and Growth Mindset:

Fixed Mindset: A limited view or perspective, remaining stuck.

Growth Mindset: An open mind to new perspectives, growing and learning.


Below are examples of what I've learned, when it comes to the Fixed and Growth Mindsets on love.


Fixed Mindset (Fear of love)


Old belief:

The more I love, the more expectations I have, the more disappointed I am.

What it means:

I equate expectations with love, the more others meet my expectations, the more they love me. The more they love me, the more my expectations are justified, regardless of whether or not their love is sincere.


Growth Mindset (Learn from love)


The Lesson:

I’m learning through disappointment bc there’s a need to release expectations. Releasing expectations helps me to experience love that is from the heart, not forced.


New belief:

Love is sincere and genuine. It’s not about pleasing or perfection, it’s about honesty.


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Fixed Mindset (Fear of love)


Old belief:

The more I love, the more I get taken advantage of.


What it means:

I’m expecting from others, the same love I give to them. Yet, others are only able to give love in their own way. I am unable to experience love in different ways, bc my mind is set on seeing it one way.


Growth Mindset (Learn from love)


The Lesson:

I’m learning that there are many ways in which love can be expressed and experienced. If I’m willing to see it then I can accept it and receive it.


New belief:

Love is always expanding to allow for deeper and more fulfilling experiences.

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Fixed Mindset (Fear of love)


Old belief:

The more I love, the more depleted I feel.



What it means:

I want my love to be enough for everyone so I give beyond my capacity. I equate love with giving all of myself until I have nothing left. I want to prove that I am enough.


Growth Mindset (Learn from love)


The Lesson:

I’m learning how to honor my boundaries; what I can and cannot give, and I’m learning to be ok with that. If others cannot accept what I have to give, that’s ok.


New belief:

Love is honoring my choices, feelings, needs, etc. And by honoring myself, I no longer feel the need to prove myself. I am enough.


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Fixed Mindset (Fear of love)


Old belief:

The more I love, the more others betray me.


What it means:

I don’t honor my boundaries, and therefore I don’t honor myself. I’d rather become what others want me to be at the risk of betraying myself, bc I don’t want love to leave me.


Growth Mindset (Learn from love)


The Lesson:

I’m learning how to honor my boundaries and respect myself. I’m learning that by becoming what others need, I lose myself, and this causes resentment of self and others.



New belief:

Love is self-respect and honor. Love never leaves. Who and what is meant to be in my life, will remain. I am not a victim; I am in charge of who I let into my life and how I let them treat me.


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Fixed Mindset (Fear of love)


Old belief:

The more I love, the more I lose myself.


What it means:

I don’t know who I am or what I want, so I become what others want me to be to fill their needs. And filling their needs gives me temporary satisfaction until I realize it’s not enough for me.


Growth Mindset (Learn from love)


The Lesson:

I’m learning who I am by learning who I am not. I grow from contrast and that’s ok. I become more aware and quicker at catching myself when I start to lose myself.


New belief:

Love leaves space for growth by teaching me how to show myself patience, compassion, and forgiveness. Love is acceptance of who I am, with every changing season.


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Comment and let me know if you’d like to see more content and examples of Fixed and Growth Mindsets!


Are there areas in your life where you recognize a Fixed Mindset? If so, how can you view it from a Growth Mindset?


Sending my Love and Light.

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